You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
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