They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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