Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
