He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
