the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
