Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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