ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Randomize
