Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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