brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize