I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
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