i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
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screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
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If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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