Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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