someone threw a dead crab at me
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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