You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I supernannyed him into submission
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
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