Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
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