I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
i think i have herpe
just one?
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
