I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
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