This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
im having a threesome with these popsicles
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
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