having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
