i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Randomize
