Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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