the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
Randomize
