I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
