My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
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