she was so not down for the gang bang
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Randomize
