there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Randomize
