How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
