the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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