I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
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