the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
