I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Randomize
