I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
