should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
