Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
