You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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