I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
