My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Randomize
