Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Randomize
