So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Randomize
