she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
