I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Randomize
