My Higher Power is John Stamos
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
