He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Randomize
