ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
