youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Randomize
