FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
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He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
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