Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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