somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
