I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Randomize