you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
