Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Randomize
