We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
