we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
