The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
