Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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