i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Randomize
