U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Randomize
