Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize
