I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Randomize
