My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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