my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Randomize
