FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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