eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
