totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Randomize
